I'm feeling good today, in actual fact I'm feeling really good today.
Day before chemo it's to be expected really but then I stop and think is it okay to feel good, I may not have cancer now but I'm having chemo for cancer so should I really be feeling good?
It's a tricky one but I think at times we think it's not okay to feel good, that if we say we’re having a good day, that we’re feeling good, people will think we're better and we're okay.
But what does that matter? Does it really matter if people think I'm okay, if I'm good?
I don't know…..I really don't know the answer but this is where I am.
So I thought some more about this.......
Is it that sometimes I’m stuck in an identity of suffering? Am I worried that if I say I’m okay people might take away their sympathy? If you know me you’ll know I’m not even big on tea and sympathy, so I really don’t know the answer to that one.
But I’m calling bullshit on this, I’m calling bullshit on the societal thing about cancer ‘sufferers’, I for one don’t even want to be called a ‘sufferer’.
So when I am having a good day, I’m going to shout it from the bloody hills!!
And then what bloody happens when I do have a good day is that I'll try and do too much. Does that sound familiar?
I think, "I can do some more work" and I spend ages doing work (which is fine because I’m so passionate about what I do and you wouldn’t be reading this if I didn’t) instead of actually TRULY enjoying the good day by taking the dog out for a walk or going for coffee with friends or just spending some me time.
That's what I need to do on a good day (and from now on you’ll all know about it), I need to do things that lift my spirits that actually add to my good day rather than things that make me tired or maybe make me feel like I'm having less of a good day and I need to admit that I'm having a bloody good day and I feel good because I know that next week, I won't be feeling like this so why not enjoy it for what it is, right now……which is a bloody good day.
I hope you have a good day today and if not then very soon!